Tag Archives: Travel

Discovering Your True Self

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We never really know who we are until we strip away everything we thought defined us.  All that comprises our daily life; our home, the food we eat, the people we greet, the clothes we wear, the trivial material objects of our unearned affection.  When you leave all this behind in pursuit of a foreign land, in quest of that noble unattainable quality that makes one ‘worldly’ – the word we’re taught from childhood to revere as a synonym for ‘wise’ – life dumps you on your ass to start from scratch.  It’s as if the teacher of life wiped clear the blackboard and handed you a fresh piece of chalk, challenging all you have ever learned.  You begin again, you are free to be yourself with no strings attached, your spirit renewed.  When you travel, it’s as if the world is letting you be as you are, accepting your quirks and graces with open arms, saying “I embrace you, because I understand that you are you, and the accumulation of that is what makes me such an awesomely profound place.”

And only in the absence of our possessions and familiar beings do we begin to unravel the hidden jewel of our soul that has been buried in the pages of a self-written play, the predictable plot we have contrived for ourselves, acting the role of a character we thought to be the perfect part.  I wonder how many people I pass on the street are where they want to be in life…. I wonder if they are living the life they always wanted; if they find happiness in the roles they have assumed in this world.  Isn’t the thrilling rush of travel the notion that tomorrow could bring anything? – that the shackles of routine are tossed aside for a brief window of time where the world is your oyster and fate your only comrade.  Where skipping down the street between your two long lost friends – ‘spontaneity’ and ‘youthfulness’ – is your staple joy to pass the time, all that you need aside from your daily meals to find fulfillment.  It is the freedom of daily choice, of open possibilities, of approaching the unexpected bumps in the road just to see where it may lead, that fuels my incessant hunger for travel.

Some people travel for the allure of escape, of ‘leaving all their baggage behind’.  The reality is that this is rarely achieved; those who are running away seek sanctuary from themselves, and they will never find it traveling – for this is the medium that best unveils the fading fresco of the true self.  Traveling is a self portrait.  It is a voyage of self discovery. The experiences you have along the way are individual brushstrokes that depict a portion of your being.  If you are fraudulent with your interactions, your painting reflects that – your brushstrokes will quiver, distorting into a crooked wretched portrayal of something you thought you wanted people to see.  A person must approach life with an authenticity, explore the world with no parameters of who they think they should or should not be, engage in community unaffected by what people do or do not say about them.  They must act as they were naturally born to act; and that is how the masterpiece will be achieved.  I hope someday in my ripe old age, if someone were to see my portrait, the fresco of my life, they could say – “that person looks like they have seen a lot of action.”  I hope that it would look like someone who could be large by acting small, who could say a lot with few words; who knew the forest and children’s laughter, who showed kindness to others with subtle quiet gestures… like someone who believed in treading lightly upon this earth to fully hear its heartbeat, rather than the stomping of one’s own feet.

Have you found your true self?  How would your fresco look?

Photo by unknown


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Filed under Culture, People, Self discovery, Society, The Deliberate Life, Travel

The Paris of the South: Café con Leche

Poem Description: sitting in a café in Buenos Aires, quite observations from ‘the Paris of the South.’

Read Café con Leche

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Filed under Culture, People, Poetry, Society, Travel

Peanut butter, set-backs, & the sloth

The sounds of early morning roosters brought disgruntled Americans to the breakfast table.  Still unaccustomed to the time difference, humid heat, and trying to fend off the jet lag, we all were a sorry bunch of ‘workers’.  Hermania had prepared Tom’s favorite – deep fried empanada pancakes filled with a bland, undistinguished cheese of sorts.  What was perhaps one of their finest offerings, made our group’s appetite cringe and go cowering off in the corner to their secret hoard of Clif Bars.  I felt ashamed to be associated with such picky, ungracious eaters and ate most of what was given to me – trans fats and all.  I too, of course eventually broke down after countless dishes of constipating starches and deep friedness, and resorted to the post-meal banana with peanut butter. After all, if my arteries had a say in the matter,  would they favor my unwavering etiquette or thank me for my subtle attempts at avoiding tribal fast food?

Ah, the magic of peanut butter, where would we lost travelers be without you? So far from home with only one jar to spare, sharing your strength, how on earth will we fair?

It was Tom’s idea to pack an extra large jar of Jiff, possibly the best decision of our entire trip.  Bananas grew conveniently right outside our front door, which led to the inevitable discovery of  ‘afternoon deliiight.’  We learned that by cutting the bananas into thin slices, we could smother them with ample peanut butter and top them off with tender pasas (large raisins with the texture of dried apricots).  Truly a treat to be savored in the privacy of our cabana, far below the vast clutches of the almighty deep-frying pot.  But I digress.

Platanos grow everywhere around here

The Tsachila Community Center, communal living area

Looking out from the hammock

After washing down our empanadas with a tepid batch of Nescafe con azucar and thanking Marioxi for her hospitality, she shooed us off with her husband to catch our bus on time, coinciding with the first real downpour of our trip.  We jumped on the soggy bus and were crammed in like slippery sardines by the bus boy, who then luxuriously rode hanging off the side of the bus – fresh air blasting his face, happy as a dog with his head out the window of a speeding car.  The rest of us weren’t quite so lucky.  Crammed in 6 per row and 30+ standing down the aisle, we quickly got to know each other, and our local neighbors, on a whole new level.

Fact: Ecuador is hot.

Fact: Buses are crowded.

Fact: Deodorant is expensive.

Why do I point out the obvious?  Because the conclusion is devastating for someone with the nose of a bloodhound.  I could overcome the starchy food, easy.  I could learn to enjoy the flavor of boiled river water with strange floaters and the aftertaste of charcoal, piece of cake.  By the end of my stay, I could even eat salty fish eyes without a flinch.  But for the life of me, I could never get over the smell of South American buses.

When we arrived at the school grounds, children flocked around us in a flurry of laughter and whispering curiosity.  My bright green crocks proved to be highly entertaining, as did Kathy in her REI ‘jungle hat’.   As our seasoned project manager, 15 years the wiser, she sported the keenest preventive measures against sunburn, Malaria, and other joys of the jungle.  The 5 of us, accompanied by Alfonso, congregated in one of the small school buildings to meet with the principal and Yanapuma representatives to discuss our construction plans.

The kids were a bit wound up by all the commotion

Alfonso attends the school meeting in traditional attire

Freddy sits in beside his brother, Alfonso

Our EWB Team - Ingenieros Sin Fronteras (Ayn, Rachel, Me, Danny)

What we had been designing for the past 6 months, was to be a composting toilet system that would relieve the current western toilets from overflow.  Already at capacity, the government installed septic tank was built without a drain which forced all excessive excrement to flow up through the ground and run down the hill onto the soccer field.  You can imagine the lingering stench that arises in the damp heat, not to mention brewing the ideal conditions for a breeding ground of parasites and bacterium.

After showing our counterparts the construction plans and sketches, the principal took us outside to unveil the stockpile of concrete supplies Yanapuma had been accumulating for our project.  From the edge of the hill we looked down at the countless pile of bricks that awaited our motive force.

A broken wheelbarrow.  Several old shovels.  A pile of rusting rebar.

Our meager arrangement of equipment seemed futile against the daunting work that lay ahead.   And we had a tight deadline of 2 weeks – granted that Yanapuma partners would help finish up any remaining work.  Just when we were about to wrap our head around the situation, Ayn, our water resource engineer, chimed up, “Hey guys, these blocks are definitely not 8×8.”  Then Kathy noted, “Ummmm, yeah…. this rebar looks like the wrong size.”

The Tsachila School - Escuela Abraham Calacazon

The soccer field

Our equipment was scattered and battered

Steering the project in a new direction was not part of the plan.  But we were Engineers, damn it.  We solved problems for a living.  We were impervious to negativity.  We had a cause.  We were brilliant.

We were screwed.

Our entire construction plan set would have to be reconsidered.   With the modifications to account for difference in material properties, we would face the possibility of running out of supplies.  With only 2 weeks to make the revisions, we were short on time; with only 4 EWB people and a squadron of high school students from the Yanapuma program, we were short on brains; and with only volunteer donations from our Portland fundraiser office we were short on money.


We returned to base camp that evening feeling slightly discouraged after a day of squabbling amongst ourselves to assess the situation.  Tom and I explained our conclusions to Alfonso, who nodded but hardly seemed fazed.  In Ecuador, it is simply another day, like any other.  Full of problems, full of hopelessness.   To an American, it is a challenge to overcome.  And we did, day by day.

Our spirits were raised at the prospect of a chicken dinner.  We recognized the significance of being served an expensive meat with our meal – I wondered which bird we heard earlier that morning had bit the dust.  It was delicious.  Simmered in a yucca soup, the meat was tender to the bone, and, for the American label whores, laughably ‘organic’.  Our moods had elevated throughout the evening, but peaked when we were joined by a special guest at the dinner table. Their oldest daughter, Isabel, came waddling out of the kitchen with a furry companion dangling from her two extending pointer fingers.  Squealing with delight, we all laughed at the sight of their clearly domesticated oso perezoso – as seen on National Geographic, the Bradypus variegatus.

The three toed sloth.

Our special dinner guest - the perezoso

I get to feed our friend, he loves rice

Monkeying around in the kitchen

Climbing up the kitchen shelves

Just bein a sloth

You can see by our friend’s posture here, how the Spanish name is all too suitable; perezoso means lazy, oso means bear, thus lazy bear – as they are thought to be a long distant relative to ursus family.  Alfonso affectionately calls him Manza Mono, his little monkey friend.  He had certainly won our hearts with the simplest beguile.  But how can you resist a face like that?


Filed under Community, Culture, Travel, Tribal, Tribes

Back in Bua, a warm welcome

“Dejame aqui por favor,”  I asked the cab driver as his dimming headlights revealed the narrow footpath cutting up the steep bank.  After an unnerving cliff side bus ride from Quito to Santo Domingo, I had hoped to arrive in Bua before dark – to my dismay I threw on my headlamp, paid the cabby, and climbed up the bank into the humid darkness of the banana trees.

Half a year had passed since I last walked the dirt path to the Tsachila village where I was first introduced to Hermania and Alfonso.  Half a year’s time since my infatuation for the simple tranquility of tribal life was conceived; half a year to reflect on how our worlds differed, yet at their core were so similar.  I had spent the 3 hour bus ride consumed with worry.  I worried would not remember the mile count to turn off from the main road, or not be able find my way through the trees at night, or that I would be chased by the rabid guard dogs, or not even be able to hail a cab at this hour.  The possibilities were endless, for this was the very start of my walkabout.  But as the familiar aroma of exotic night blossoms expanded their sweetness into my lungs, I smiled and gradually recognized the bend in the trail that led to my new home.  All doubt was erased when their distant laughter reached my ears in between flickers of the buzzing neon of iridescent fireflies.

I sighed in relief, and picked up my pace.

I was greeted with open arms and a warm meal.  It was a welcoming array of indigenous faces and food – voices and flavors I had grown to miss back in the states.  The 4 other members of the Portland EWB travel team were waiting and had become increasingly concerned by my delay – having missed my flight in L.A. I was a day overdue.   But that is a whole another story, merely an unexpected precursor to my journey.

Following Tom, our team leader, we meandered down the slick muddy hill to find our cabanas along the Rio Pucta.  I found it comforting we would be staying in the same thatched huts we had lodged in previously, closest to the mud staircase down to the river with a convenient porch for airing out our perpetually damp clothing.  I organized my things and set my day pack tremulously on my bunk tucked under the safety of the mosquito net. My 3 weeks here last march instilled in me a leeriness for the giant spiders that live tucked within the dried palm bundles of the roof.  Having been startled by one of those hairy critters tucked deep within my Nike running shoe was by no means the start to a trusting friendship, and made me uneasy at best.

I stowed my larger pack on the bottom bunk letting out a startled chuckle at the sight of the wooden slats spaced between the two long runners that held the straw mattress above.  That was the bed Danny broke during our last trip -his knee busted through one of the thinner slats while tucking in at night; we of course teased him mercilessly the remainder of the trip.  Re-living the memory made me realize how much I missed him.  He was native Chilean, and the strongest Spanish speaker in our group.

With Danny unable to accompany our installation trip, that left me being our most proficient communicator with the tribal leaders…

Home sweet home... The EWB cabana

An elevated cabana, up near the communal area

Rio Pucta - the bathing area

Alfonso, our host and one of the Tsachila leaders

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Filed under Culture, Travel, Tribal, Tribes

Engineers Without Brains? So begins my Walkabout…

In a few short days, I moved my queen bed, hand painted table set, and dilapidated college futon back into my parents’ place (thank you mom and dad).  I grabbed my backpack, and said goodbye – to friends … family… my loving boyfriend … to my home … to that chapter of my life.  Maybe I was crazy?  Brainless? Maybe I was going through ‘a phase‘?  Or maybe I was impulsively acting on a surge of inner momentum, drawn out by the primal call that had been festering inside me all these years.  Whichever the case, it felt like I was closing more than just a door behind me.

So I raised my head with vigor towards a bright new sunlight and passed through a window that was once out of reach.

My dedicated involvement with the Engineers Without Borders volunteer group seemed like the perfect launch pad.  Our Portland travel team was heading back to Ecuador to construct the composting toilet we had been designing since our site observation trip in march.  It would be a good take off point to begin my walkabout in addition to providing closure for the on-going project I had helped nurture over the past year.  My initial objective was to see Project Bua through its final phases over the first 2 weeks in Ecuador and then head south to roam Peru.  I had always been captivated by the Incan ruins of Machu Picchu; but travel plans aside from that were minimal at best.

I knew only one thing for certain: the captivity of my routine had been revoked and it was time to run free.

I was to live the way I had always imagined: free of all commitments, with no phone to answer, with only my own company to enjoy.  Free to experience, reflect, and consider all life had to offer with no strings attached. To spend my time as I pleased, to interact with whomever I chose, with no obligations, no social considerations or inhibitions.   I was a drifter of foreign lands, a seeker of wisdom, a judge of truth, a worshiper of beauty in all forms; a nomadic spirit.

The destinations and landmarks were merely a side note.  It was the ever changing state of being; of getting lost every day in the world at hand; of rediscovering the core of my being; that formed the roots of my walkabout.

The trip itself evolved as I traveled, and so did I.

Leaving Portland

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Filed under Family, Society, The Deliberate Life, Uncategorized

Break my rusty cage and run…

When the vice president of the company handed me my letter of termination, the sucker punch of disbelief overtook the gradual realization that this was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Getting laid off was like getting called on by my 6th grade math teacher when I was completely oblivious to the question; there’s the squirming awkwardness in the spotlight of not knowing what to say or do, but when the tortured moment passes it’s the most rewarding flood of relief a kid could possibly know.  I walked out of the office that day feeling completely confused –  my idealistic nature felt liberated from the weight of my responsibilities, while the realist in me felt the adrenaline rush of a drowning child barley keeping its head above water – the panic rising along side the ensuing circumstances.  Mostly I felt a single question…

Now what?

My new found freedom of having a place of my own was my first loss.  Perfectly situated mid-distance between work and the gym, my hilltop fortress of solitude was a stone’s throw from the highway that led to the mountain or ocean.  The nearby park trail system catered to my mid-day runs from the office as did my benevolent project manager, who empathized with my daily requirement of fresh air and blue sky.  I had to admit I was sitting pretty; however, adding up the hours of lost life sitting like a doomed robot in cubeville was a convincingly offsetting counterweight.  Giving up all that had been my life for the past 2 years made my stomach twinge, but my precocious anguish transformed into rising butterflies at the first thought of exploring my lifelong fantasy of taking a worldly walkabout.  I had secretly daydreamed away countless hours, of abandoning my practical career and running off to explore the world.  And now that the bars of my cage were torn down – I was free to run.

I had the rug pulled out from under me, but my feet landed solid on the decision to buy a plane ticket to South America.


Filed under The Deliberate Life, Travel